Oh. Maybe Arsenio?

Nuff said.

Well, now, you can be cool and prepared for those moments! Check out this beauty:

Not only will you look amazingly cool wearing it, but you will always be prepared for those times when someone just needs a bottle opener! And it’s not as ‘too cool for school’ as those dumb belt buckles that have a bottle opener on it. This one says ‘I’m extremely awesome and I do not have to point out that my belt also doubles as a bottle opener.’ And isn’t that all we want in life?

You can purchase it for the bargain price of $19.99 here. Hurry while supplies last!

You call that getting dunked on? Now, this is getting dunked on:

The best part is that his caddie is trained to kill you in 32 different ways using a golf tee.

On second thought, ‘I Hate My Job’ by Uncle Leon and The Alibis may be way worse.

2 Broken Hearts
Choreographed by Larry & Terri Boezeman
Description: 48 count couples dance
Music: Husbands & Wives by Brooks & Dunn

Note: Man’s steps are listed, ladies steps are mirror image.

1/4 TURN, STEP TOGETHER
1-3 Step forward 1/4 turn left on left foot, step together with right, step
together with left. (now facing 9:00)
4-6 Step back on right turning 1/4 turn left, step together with left, step
together with right (now facing back to 12:00)
7-9 Repeat steps 1-3 (now facing 3:00)
10-12 Repeat steps 4-6 (now facing back to 6:00)

BALANCE STEP, LADIES TURN
13-15 Step forward on left, step together with right, step together with
left.
16-18 Step back on right, together left, together right
19-21 MAN: Step forward on left, step together right, together left.
LADY: Step back on Right, together Left, together Right, while turning full
turn right under ladies Right hand and man’s Left hand
22-24 MAN: Step back on right, together left, together right.
LADY: Step in place left, right, left (join left hand with man’s right in
open position, double hand hold).

VINE, 1/4 TURN, ROCK STEP
25-27 Step to left side on left, step right behind left, step to left side
on left turning 1/4 turn left. (release left hand from ladies right)
28-30 Rock forward on right, recover left, step to right side on right
turning 1/4 turn right.

FREE SPIN, ROCK STEP
31-33 (release hands) with weight on right foot pivot 1/2 turn to the right
(ladies to the left) step on left, with weight on left, pivot 1/2 turn to
the right step on right with weight on right pivot 1/4 turn to the right
step on left. (rejoin man’s left hand with ladies right hand)
34-36 Rock forward on right, recover left, step back on right.

FREE SPIN, CROSS SIDE TOGETHER
37-39 (release hands) step back on left pivoting 1/2 turn to the left
(ladies to the right), step forward on right pivoting 1/2 turn to the left,
step back on left pivoting 1/4 turn to the left (rejoin in closed position)
40-42 Step right across left, step left together, step right together.

GRAPEVINE, SIDE BREAK TOGETHER
43-45 Step left across right, step to right side on right, step left behind
right.
46-48 Rock to right side on right, recover left, step right together.

REPEAT

The Ballad of Little Bastard

Words by Boxcar Hex Lubinger
(Based on an essay by Dana Cormaney)
© 2009, Zen Fuego Songs

It was September of Nineteen Fifty Five
And Mr. James Dean was still alive
And looking for a killer ride
There was the Salinas Races
Where he wanted to set the pace
And he needed a demon on his side

So he found himself a ’55 Spider
With an able mechanic beside her
That he thought might do the trick
Well he kicked all the tires
Upped the hood, looked inside her
And he knew she’d run might quick

So he put his money down
And right then, without a sound
The young mans fate was sealed
For down that Lonesome Highway
Little Bastard would fly away
Like a devil on racing wheels

Now all his friends said no
But you know he wanted it to go
So the engine he started to tweak
So said Obi Wan Guiness
That is according to a witness
‘That particular automobile will kill you in a week’

And so it was seven days later
Little Bastards engine was like a ripe po-tater
And they rode down the road for the race
But a truck turned onto the street
And a load of fast metal did meet
And The Angel of Death kissed that very place

Little Bastard was badly mangled
But shrewd George Barris did wrangle
A deal to own all the Spyder’s parts
So it was put on a trailer
And the trucks bindings sure did fail her
And a mechanics leg sure did smart

Two doctors wanted to make their cars dance
And they knew Barris would give them a chance
So they bought some pieces of the Porsche
One of the docs car hit a tree
Where he did then die instantly
And the others car ended up looking like borscht

Someone else tried to use its tires
And he wasn’t too surprised
When they blew his car onto the gravel
Someone else tried to steal
Little Bastards haunted steering wheel
And cut his arm on some twisted metal

Now some people had an idea in mind
To take the carcass down the line
And teach kids not to drink and drive
So they put it in a police garage
Which burned into a flaming mirage
That only Little Bastard made it out of alive

While on display it busted a kids hip
And crushed a driver when it did slip
Off the bed of the mans truck
Did it cause a truck to lose its breaks?
Some bad mojo is all it takes
And Little Bastard was filled with that kinda luck

While being shown in New Orleans
It did something new and obscene
And busted up into eleven pieces
No one there could explain why
But luckily no one had to die
Not men, cats, dogs, horses, or mee-ses

On a truck bound for Californ-I-A
Starting in Miami, F-L-A
Little Bastard was ready for yet another trick
‘Cause that there truck never arrived
And no one neither dead nor alive
Knows the end of Little Bastards epic

So if you see Little Bastard running active
The best advice that I can give
Is to high tail it out and start to pray
‘Cause seeing a ghost might be quite a sight
But it ain’t either good nor is it as right
As living to see yet another day